Follow us

The Daily Balls Confirms Celtic CEO Peter Lawell has been taken Hostage

29 November 2020


Peter Lawell has been taken hostage by a group of Celtic Fans claiming to represent the Peoples Front of Celtic and not the Celtic Peoples Front as first thought. Four fans dressed in all black and green with Green and White Adidas Retro trainers are said to have managed to get into the Celtic boardroom and take Peter Lawell Hostage.

Glasgow 3 Stripe T-Shirt / Black


Earlier during a protest outside Celtic Park after Celtic were knocked out of the League Cup, video footage shows four fans breaking through a barrier but they were chased back by Police Officers in Yellow Jackets towards the Pool Office.

It is believed that the fans then enterted the board room from the main stand where they found Peter Lawell sipping on a Gin and Tonic while plotting his next Zoom meeting with Neil Lennon and Dermot Desmond.

The fans have demanded that Belgium manager, Roberto Martinez be flown into Celtic Park within 12 hours to replace Neil Lennon or Peter Lawell will be forced to eat the fast food tripe that is served up to fans on match day.

Annual Magazine Subscription

It is believed that the fans have been brain washed by listening to Podcasts on an almost hourly basis while reading 24 hour headlines on Social Media about Neil Lennon and who should replace him.

Donald Trump, Martin O’Neill, Eddie Howe, Mark Hughes and Jack Ross were all unavailable to speak to us although a bloke on a facebook page has confirmed all five were called by Peter Lawell over the last few days.

Dermot Desmond was unavailable for comment when we contacted his office but a bloke on twitter said he saw him down the Gallowgate with Gordon Strachan eating a fish supper. As we go to print we can not confirm the sighting but it may be FAKE NEWS.

Celtic Chairman, Iain Bankier has said that Celtic FC PLC will not talk to Celtic Fans but they could submit any questions at this years virtual AGM.

The Turnip (Gardening Leave Correspondent at the Daily Balls)

Celtic Target T-Shirt / White

If you would like to support our Independent Celtic Fan Media Platform you can become a Member, Subscribe, Buy or Donate for the Price of a Pint. Your Support helps us continue to produce Daily News & Articles, Weekly Newsletter, Two Weekly Podcasts, Monthly Fanzine, Video Content & Live Shows.





More than 90 Minutes Issue 111 Print